Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/Filmmagic

“It was a rollercoaster of intense highs and harrowing lows. At one juncture, I just found myself pleading, ‘Can I exit this turbulent journey, please? What’s happening within me?’,” shares the forthcoming author, whose insights will be unveiled in her memoir early next year.

Bethany Joy Lenz is stepping into the spotlight to bare her soul.

At 42, the icon who once graced our screens in “One Tree Hill” is ready to divulge her unsettling journey within a cult, a narrative that will unfold in her soon-to-be-released memoir.

In a heartfelt conversation with E! News, Lenz hints at the complex set of emotions and the vibrant, alarming dreams that signaled a fork in the road with her spiritual journey, ultimately steering her away from the enigmatic cult.

“With my faith wavering, I found myself at an impasse, unable to recognize the deity I once knew,” she admitted. “It felt like a desperate plea, asking to be met where I stood, amidst the chaos and loss of faith. And in those moments of defiance and rebellion, it felt like a higher power was reaching out, undeterred by my anger and frustration.”

Rodin Eckenroth
Photo: Rodin Eckenroth/Getty

Opening up further, Lenz revealed that a pivotal breaking point approached as her sense of dread and solitude amplified.

“It seemed like an endless whirlpool of emotional highs and lows, leaving me begging for an exit, questioning my own sanity,” Lenz confided. “Sometimes, all it takes is a few empathetic voices at the right time to reassure you, that perhaps, it’s not your fault. That realization, it comes as a breath of fresh air, a momentary respite.”

Her tenure on “One Tree Hill” served as a sanctuary, a place that sowed the seeds of realization, nudging her to consider departing from the cult.

“My heart and soul resided in North Carolina, where we filmed for a significant part of the year,” she recounted during a Variety interview. “Despite the constant travels and influx of visitors, my true existence blossomed there. The physical distance subtly prepared me for the awakening that was to come.”

Frank Micelotta
Photo: Frank Micelotta/Getty

Penning down her journey has been a therapeutic process for Lenz, a phase of “recovery” as she termed it during a heart-to-heart.

“Recovery is a unique journey, tailored to one’s personal encounters with trauma,” she reflected. “I embarked on this journey with my understanding of divinity and the personal encounters that shaped it. A significant part of the process was rediscovering the person I was before and acknowledging the vast sea of unknowns that lay before me.”